Amy Whiting
I didn’t discover who I was until my late 40’s. As is typical with hindsight, I can now look on past events and feelings to identify moments that could have made me question myself – but I didn’t. As is typical for me, something must hit me in the face for me to realise what is going on. That event was Halloween. We were preparing for a charity haunted house to raise money for the RNLI and a local drama group. As part of that we had dressed up our house to provide an experience for those visiting and we had a small group of willing participants who were going to dress up and entertain our guests.
I had your typical Halloween outfit; I cannot remember what it was now. However, I found out, on the day and right before the event, that it didn’t fit me. The only other “nice” costume available was a Harlequin one, so I decided to wear that instead. I put it on, and it fitted me perfectly. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and that was the moment I realised something was different. The outfit was a black dress with red polka dots on, red buttons and a combination of red and black skirt fragments. More importantly, it felt right. I felt more like who I was, right then, than any other time that came before it.
As the Halloween night ended, and the other participants of the haunt took their outfits off, I didn’t want to. I remember someone saying whilst we were having drinks after that I must like my outfit. I cannot remember my answer, but I really did like wearing it.
From Halloween until Christmas, I took every opportunity to dress in female clothing. Every birthday party, every special occasion. During that time, I had various people affirming my choice and noting that I looked happy – I know this is unfortunately not the experience of many trans people, but it was mine. I was asked about whether this was me, at the time I didn’t know for sure. I just knew it felt right.
It was Christmas that year that I finally realised who I was. From that point onwards there was no denying it. My old male clothes were relegated to the back of the wardrobe, eventually to be donated to a local charity shop, as my dresses took over. I talked to my wife and she supported me on this journey – something again that not all trans people are fortunate to have. I was going to live my life as me from this point forward.
My wife and I decided that any friend or family member who could not accept me being me, wouldn’t be part of our lives. We only live short lives, and we would rather spend that time with people who are supportive.
One of the biggest challenges for me was to find a new name, as my old one did not fit anymore. I ran lots of names passed my wife, who is excellent at researching stuff and looked up their meanings. I even asked my mum what names she would have given me if I had been identified as female at birth. It took a little while to find the right name for me (and it was a tough time as those close to me didn’t know what to call me).
We told everyone who asked, and specifically told family members. I am privileged to have a very supportive and loving family so this was as straightforward as it could be. Yes, I was nervous about telling my mum, dad, sister, and mother-in-law. Yes, they had lots of questions. No, I was not able to answer all the questions at that moment in time. I was able to easily find some podcasts and information on the Internet to help my mum answer some of her questions (we are so fortunate to live in an age where that information is easy to find).
I also had to let my work colleagues know too. I have a slightly different work situation to most as I founded the company that I work for. Although I am largely no longer operational in the business, I do still interact with several people there. I did consider at one stage whether I should continue to pretend to be the old me at work, but that was discounted because; my appearance would change and raise questions and it would not be me. I had a call with the chairman of the board to let him know I was trans, who at my request shared that information with the board.
My company has always been a supportive company. We have people from all different backgrounds, sexual orientations, religions, races, disabilities etc. I was not even the first trans person to come out at the company. I was confident that the business would be supportive, and it would be business as usual.
Along this journey, which for me had been a positive and affirming one, I had many questions that I needed answers to. To help me with those I connected to a local support group, Safe Haven – Cornwall. I wanted to talk to people who have already walked the walk and could provide me with the answers I needed. I had questions about hormones, how to change gender markers and understanding what medical operations may be available.
Being a woman was not a choice, it is what I am. Choosing to live my life as me or hide it was my only choice. For me that was an easy choice, I was not going to hide who I was. I don’t yet know where my journey will take me, but I am happier now than I have ever been.
